I love seasons. It is one of the reasons upstate South Carolina is so precious to me. I eagerly await each season and watch for the signs. I have, however, found I am not so good at reading the seasons in friendships. My naivety has been a recent downfall in the loss of a deep relationship that I never thought I would lose; as a matter of fact I was so certain of this I presumed that this person would over see my eventual funeral. She held deep secrets for me, had an air of non judgement, and I was able to release a deep seated lack of trust in human life with her. Life happens, moves happen and I grieve this change in season.
Seasons happen in all aspects of life. Not only do we use them as guides to plant and harvest, but to raise our families and work and retire. Friendships, it seems, are no different. It’s not that we are disgruntled or have division or strife, but simply that God places people in our lives for a time and then he occasionally and abruptly alters the season. The problem happens when we don’t realize what is going on. You see friendships run deep and have convoluted twists and turns that bind them to our souls and become visible scars when they ripped from our lives. We don’t see them as passing blessings and we hold onto them thinking they will fulfill our hearts here on earth. They become part of our daily life intertwined into family and events. Even when you recognize that God is doing a work and a change you fight hard to hold onto that which you thought was yours. Emotions run deep, even for this author who holds her pain deep within, which sometimes gives the idea that she is not entrenched as deeply in the friendship. A wrong conclusion for sure as my pain in this is overwhelming. Yes I must move on, and yes others have taken my place; God is using others for a new season not only for me but for her as well. It doesn’t lessen the pain however. But trusting my God allows for me to know that He is at work in the people we both touch outside of our own friendship.
My hope is that I will not retreat to my comfort of cynicism or bitterness to my loss. That forgiveness will trump jealousy and pain and I will enjoy what God has in store for me. As I remind myself it is about His glory and not my happiness. Recently a famous pastor ‘s wife told 40,000 people in their congregation that is wasn’t about God, but about us That God is happy when we are happy, so worship God to make yourself happy. It was a shocking statement to say the least; and completely contrary to scripture. God is pleased when I surrender and praise Him for He is God alone and there is no other. We should tremble in the fear of The Lord and not concern ourselves with a momentary happiness. It is fleeting, but the joy of The Lord is lasting.
Jesus told us not to be ignorant of the signs. We can read the sky and know rain is coming but we don’t read the Word and see what He has to say. There are so many women who need a friend, and I can rise to that calling. I have not lost this dear friend, but simply the season in which I experienced the greatest laughter and fun and pain and the miraculous. Yes, I mourn the loss, yes it will never be the same. But as each harvest varies so does each season of life. I may lick my wounds for a little longer, cry for a few more months and keep hidden from others, but I do feel the call of God to get out and plant and water and allow for more women to be a part of my life.